上には上がある

上には上がある:
This is a japanese saying, there is always someone above you:

I'm not going to lie, the last few days have been a little difficult. I've transition  into my new dorm, where Japanese is mainly supposed to be spoken, and it is the only language the faculty/staff speak. Of course this was expected, however, I'm finding that my Japanese is not enough. I've mostly forgotten most of the grammar, words, and kanji I've learned in the past, and it's even harder to put the things I do know into conversation.

Often times my peers know exactly what's going on, and I have no idea. Because I don't understand, it becomes harder to connect with people. Then I begin to feel really stupid, adding to that loss of connection.

However, I know that there will always be someone better than me in Japanese, and this is a feeling that will become minimal, but not completely surpass. This non-understanding is giving me the determination to meet my challenge with my effort and I know that this feeling is normal under these intensive circumstances. Like anything, confidence is key. I remember a single moment in dancing that I truly felt better; non-basic. I think that moment will come sometime for Japanese.


I feel that in order to truly become better at Japanese, I need to be in Japan for at least the year. If my schedule for my major requirements and if finances allow I will try to do this. We will see.

Otherwise, everyday I'm discovering new things about Japan and I can feel beauty within myself, and all around me. While I don't always express this considering my challenging last couple days, my enjoyment is still there. I can't wait to see my progress as I look back to these blog posts, and see the further beauty which I've yet to discover. And I know that things will get better.

Peace for now.

PS Sorry for the choppy english.